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11-Nov-2020 15:23

I finished that third day by peeing for the eighth time before leaving the office (turns out, you piss like a horse on an all-liquid diet) and walked to the subway. I made it four before the overwhelming urge to poop set in.

By the time the train reached the fifth stop, I was confident I'd need to use my emergency underwear.

All you need know is that there is a moment of reflection that comes only after you break a liquid diet with breath mints in a Starbucks bathroom.

After my bathroom ordeal, I figured I’d earned a real cheat meal.

(Believe it or not, I always keep a change of clothes with me, not just when I’m doing something stupid for work.)I jumped out of my seat and booked it up the subway stairs, disregarding the angry looks as I shoved my way through the rush-hour crowd.

I saw a Starbucks logo smiling down at me with open arms.

They didn't seem phased (Starbucks workers must’ve seen some crazy stuff), but we finally compromised: I could skip the line to buy my glorified bathroom pass.

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