Two of my friends started dating
And sure, when he would get a girlfriend I would be a little bummed out—I’m (unfortunately) not a sociopath—but it didn’t cause me to spiral into an emotional cyclone the way I would have if I’d been cheated on by a boyfriend. We could spill our guts to each other because we didn’t have anything to lose.
I told Malcolm about my previous relationships, my fantasies, my heartbreak.
Naturally, it took the third woman about two weeks to feel comfortable committing to me, but she eventually did. Yes, you’re dating two men, but that doesn’t mean that these are the only two men on the planet. So please come back and let us know if I retroactively steered you in the right direction, okay? Everywhere you went you just magically kept finding great women who were into you and wanted to date you!
This is a somewhat complicated (but typical) example of how dating works. And neither party is under any obligation until both parties agree to commit to each other. Let’s say Bachelor #1 turns out to be a great guy…who admits after a month that he never wants to get married or have kids. You had the leisure of committing to someone before they committed to you because you always just assumed that so many women wanted to be with you that you could always get what you wanted.
The good news: because of the broad scope of the question, every reader who is interested in deciding between two men can use this advice.
The bad news: without more specific details, I’m not sure you can.
Many people may not see this as being a true problem.
But I don’t know how much to say to these men, or not say because it’s so early in the relationship.
As it turns out, I met a third woman, who was so incredible that I immediately emailed the other two, broke things off, and took my profile down to commit. Let’s say Bachelor #2 turns out to be a great guy…who admits after two months that although he was excited about you, he’s on the rebound, not emotionally over his ex-girlfriend and is not fit to be your partner at this point in time. I predict that by the time you read this, Maggie, everything will have sorted itself out.Making a decision about a guy is no different than any other decision.You weigh your pros and cons, you do your cost-benefit analysis, you use a little logic and a little emotion, and then make a largely arbitrary choice without knowing if you’re right.Some assume that one of the “buddies” is always being strung along, secretly hoping that the fucking leads to something more serious.
Others dismiss fuck-buddy dynamics as just being compulsive sex that’s devoid of emotion. Surely it’s possible to find a middle ground between eternal love and zombie-fucking a stranger: a place where you can care about someone, have good sex, and yet not want to literally implode at the thought of them sleeping with someone else. Case in point: The most significant romantic friendship of my life was with an ex-editor of mine, whom I’ll call Malcolm.
We live on different continents, but inevitably, a few times a year, we find each other somewhere in the world, have a few days of romance, and then go our separate ways.